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  “That’s . . . that’s good,” I finally said, after a pregnant pause or three. “That should be fun.”

  “You won’t be there?” he queried.

  “Umm . . . I hadn’t planned on it.”

  I was hoping like hell that my discomfort didn’t show at all. But the way that James eyed me, and with the forming shade of crimson around his cheeks, I could tell that it did. Either that or he figured out right then that I wasn’t invited and felt he’d stuck his full foot in his mouth. Whichever one it was, he quickly did an about face and took the conversation back to business.

  “Alright, so are you absolutely loving all the stuff you picked out? You got great taste, by the way.”

  “Thank you. And yes, I’m loving it so much. Everything just pops,” I said standing from the sofa I’d been sitting on. “Only thing still missing is some nice sounds to mellow out to.”

  “Of course. Let’s get to it, then.”

  “Lead the way. I’m right behind you.”

  -15-

  Kayla

  It took me almost two hours, but I finally got the new stereo system hooked up. I even managed to program the flat screen to the speakers. So now, there would also be surround sound when I watched TV in that room. I didn’t know where I inherited my handyman skills from, but I was something like a beast when it came to assembling furniture. Sadly, I didn’t know whether to attribute it to my mother or my father. I had never seen my father so much as put together a bike, so it probably wasn’t him. It might’ve been my brother, Michael. He was so smart and good at everything.

  Michael was everything a big brother should’ve been. Nobody messed with me, and nobody messed with my heart. They knew better. He was my best friend and my confidante, and he was gone. Even though it was twelve years later, it still hurt like it was yesterday. He was my everything. As I stood there admiring my setup, I found myself smiling, just thinking about him. I was smiling because I knew that Michael would have surely laughed at me for being impatient and not waiting until he could get here to put it together.

  What I would do to have you here with me.

  In the middle of memory lane with my brother, there was a knock at my door. With all the recent stuff happening, initially I tensed up thinking it was the sheriff coming to physically remove me from the rental. But then I quickly rebounded knowing that I had nothing to worry about. I genuinely didn’t have anything to worry about . . . anymore.

  I sighed and walked over to the door, where I stood on my tiptoes to investigate who was on the other side of my peephole.

  When I saw the UPS uniform, I undid the locks and opened the door.

  “Kayla Carter?”

  “Yes, that’s me,” I replied, eyeing the box in his hand. “But I didn’t order anything.”

  “Can you sign here, please?”

  After adding my signature to his DIAD, we did an even exchange.

  “Thank you,” I said, before closing the door.

  I slowly travelled into my kitchen to get scissors from the drawer, the whole time looking down at the label. There was no name, only an address. But who could it be from and what was it? It wasn’t heavy at all.

  With the scissors in hand, I walked over to the area rug in the center of my living room and sat down Indian-style. There, I proceeded to open whatever it was. Once the tape was cut, I pulled back the flaps, and was met immediately with clear bubble protectors. After removing them from the box, I saw three contents: an 8½ x 11 sheet of paper, a sealed letter-sized envelope, and a small, rectangular-shaped silky lime green box. The box had a small dent in the corner, but it didn’t take away from its beauty.

  I picked up the paper first and noticed immediately that it consisted of an email exchange.

  My hands began shaking, for some reason. I didn’t know why. But I soon found out. At the top of the email chain, was an email address that I used to have. My heart did a light skip as I looked down at a conversation that I remembered very well:

  From:Kayla Carter

  To:[email protected]>

  Date:Aug 20, 2006, 8:41 AM

  Subject:Please respond…Urgent

  Hello, Mr. Daniels:

  I understand from a mutual friend that you came across an accident 10 days ago. If this is you, please contact me. I would love to meet you in person.

  I hope to hear from you.

  Kayla

  From:[email protected]>

  To:Kayla Carter

  Date:Aug 20, 2006, 11:00 AM

  Subject:RE: Please respond…Urgent

  Hello Kayla,

  Yes, unfortunately, that is me. Though, I’m not sure how much use I could be to you. I just happened upon the accident. But I wasn’t in any way involved outside of that.

  S.D.

  From:Kayla Carter

  To:[email protected]>

  Date:Aug 20, 2006, 11:25 AM

  Subject:RE: Please respond…Urgent

  I realize that this is odd, and I do thank you for responding. There is a lot that you can do. My understanding is that you stopped to help. That you stopped to keep onlookers away. For that reason alone, I would love to meet you and thank you for being there. I just want to thank you. You’re the last connection to my brother.

  From:[email protected]>

  To:Kayla Carter

  Date:Aug 20, 2006, 11:30 AM

  Subject:Please respond…Urgent

  Oh man. My deepest condolences. I’m very sorry. I didn’t realize when I was talking to Victoria that you were the young man’s sister. I wouldn’t even know how to face you. I can’t even begin to imagine what you must be going through. I stopped at the scene when I saw onlookers. I couldn’t in good faith keep going when I saw people there for no other reason than to be nosy. I parked on the shoulder, grabbed a blanket from my trunk and ran over to your brother. I’m still trying to get past this myself. While I know the loss is deep for you and your family, I have been extremely traumatized by it all. I did what I could only hope someone would do for me. I comforted him while the ambulance was en route. Talked to him for a little. Again, I’m very sorry.

  My hands were shaking when I put the piece of paper down. I rocked back and forth, tears falling down my face and onto my legs. Everywhere. What was this? What did it mean? Twelve years later, and I get this letter.

  “How, Michael?! How? Michael, please tell me what this means!” I cried to the ceiling. “Why today, brother?! Why today?! How?!” I sobbed, as I rocked myself to a place where I could continue reading.

  I had to continue reading. I looked in the box and wanted so badly to open the envelope, but I didn’t know which to do first. I picked the paper back up and turned it over.

  From:Kayla Carter

  To:[email protected]>

  Date:Aug 20, 2006, 11:45 AM

  Subject:RE: Please respond…Urgent

  I understand where you’re coming from. I sincerely do. I can only imagine what it must’ve been like for you to see that. But please understand that just the fact that you were there, means the world to me. I’d like the opportunity to just say thank you. That’s all. I need this. You’re the last connection to my brother before he left me. You said you talked to him. I just want to know the words he spoke. That’s all. He’s all I had. If you could please . . .

  I hope to hear from you.

  Sincerely,

  Kayla

  From:Kayla Carter

  To:[email protected]>

  Date:Aug 20, 2006, 6:00 PM

  Subject:RE: Please respond…Urgent

  I haven’t heard back from you. Are you considering? Or is the answer just no? Please at least respond. Please.

  Sincerely,

  Kayla

  From:Kayla Carter

  To:[email protected]>

  Date:Aug 21, 2006, 8:00 AM


  Subject:RE: Please respond…Urgent

  I guess this is a no. I guess I have to accept that.

  I want you to know that I’m very appreciative of you being there. I hope that one day you’ll change your mind.

  Kayla

  From:Kayla Carter

  To:[email protected]>

  Date:Sep 10, 2006, 8:35 AM

  Subject:RE: Please respond…Urgent

  It’s been a month and I still haven’t heard from you. I genuinely hoped that you would change your mind. I guess that hasn’t happened. And that it won’t happen.

  Take care,

  Kayla

  I held the paper in my hand, devastated. Shocked, shaking, sad.

  That email exchange had literally left my memory. It was buried in the back of my mind—until now. It was a very emotional time for me when I lost my brother. I sank into a serious depression and it took years for me to even allow the therapist to penetrate my grief. I couldn’t shake any of it. I self-medicated for years. Jobs were coming and going because my focus was off and I couldn’t give myself to any of them. Relationships were off the table because I couldn’t commit to giving emotional energy to a man. I was fucked—for years.

  The grief from missing my brother, was stronger than wanting a productive life. I moved around a lot. My moods changed a lot. My entire existence just became something very temporary. Thoughts of suicide hit me often, to the point that I was on a first name basis with a few counselors on the suicide prevention hotlines. It was bad. And I went through it all by myself.

  I folded back the flap of the box again to see if by chance I missed a name on the package. I hadn’t. There was no name. I picked up the envelope and opened it slowly. The shit that was happening in my life, nobody would dare believe. I damn near didn’t believe it myself. A rollercoaster of events, that one minute had me happy, and then in the next extremely sad.

  My hands moved slowly in anticipation of what would be inside the unmarked envelope. I didn’t know what I was opening, or whether it would open the hole in my heart even more . . .

  I took a deep breath, and then exhaled slowly. On the count of three I unfolded the stationary. And as soon as I lifted the top fold, staring right at me was the monogram with the initials, S.D. Instinctively, I looked to the bottom of the letter without reading first and saw his signature:

  Silas

  A bright light went off! Silas Daniels. He was the person that I had exchanged emails with all those years ago! Silas was the last person to speak with Michael before he passed! My eyes roamed away from his signature, and went to the words he had written. It was short and simple:

  Dear Kayla,

  I know it’s years late, but this is for you. Your brother asked me to take it from his pocket that night. Just so that you know, it took a long time for me to bounce back from that. But I did try reaching out to you once I was in a better head space. It was a major loss for you losing your brother. And now knowing you, it messes with me even more than back then, that I wasn’t there for you. But I wasn’t even able to be there for myself. I hope whatever is in the box can be of some comfort to you. I just wish I could’ve given it to you sooner.

  Silas

  My hands were literally shaking as I nudged the lid off of the small rectangular-shaped box. I closed my eyes once the lid was off, and then opened them again. A suede case was inside, in the same lime green. When I peeled it open, I was immediately met with a printed messaged under the hood. It read:

  “I love you little sis. Happy 28th to my favorite Lioness.”

  I cried. I cried hard. Uncontrollable sobs rose from the depths of my soul to penetrate the surface. I couldn’t believe it. I just couldn’t believe it! It was the most important gift that I could’ve ever received and I was beside myself with emotion.

  My chest heaved, and my breathing was labored. But it was all good emotions that I was feeling. To know that my brother was here with me on Christmas Eve was more than I could ever asked for.

  “I love you, Michael,” I whispered through the tears.

  A few minutes later, with the box still in my hand, I finally pulled out the stunning tennis bracelet that sat inside. I had been obsessing over the bracelet for months! Having seen it at a jewelry store in San Francisco, I had vowed that I would get it for myself. But that all came to a screeching halt, because when my brother passed on my birthday, birthdays were no longer celebrations for me. Not for a very long time.

  “You’re still so missed,” I said to my brother in heaven. “I love you so much. Thank you for my gift . . .”

  -16-

  Silas

  If my gala wasn’t something that so many people looked forward to each year, this would have been the first year that it was cancelled. My head was all the way somewhere else. Since the day I met Kayla, I sensed that she was in my life for a reason. The feeling was strong as hell. I just chalked it up as one of those weird occurrences that often fell into a person’s life. I was supposed to be there to help her through whatever she was going through. Would I have been able to live with myself had I left her in the state that she was in, not knowing if there would be a way out for her? It had always been in me to help the underdog. It’s what made me stop that night when I saw the motorcycle accident. That was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.

  To come upon a scene where I thought I could help was one thing, but to end up realizing that the man was dying, was quite another. I wasn’t going to be able to help him. It fucked me up. I sunk after that. I sunk for months. I went through intense therapy, and spent time at a spiritual retreat. And those were just a couple of the things that I tried. It took almost a year for me to wake up on my own, and without being jolted awake by nightmares and cold sweats, where I would see Kayla’s brother’s face.

  It didn’t even hit me until I was jolted awake in Kayla’s bed. After making love to her, I felt something more than friendship. I felt something more than friendship before we even left the restaurant. I remembered everything that we talked about, but my subconscious mind didn’t fully let me grasp all the details until I went to sleep. I dreamt of that fateful night again, for the first time in years, and then Kayla’s words played back when my eyes opened: “Worse that he died on my birthday. I mean, he died doing what he loved . . . riding his bike, his motorcycle.”

  The emails flooded back, the motorcycle, her birthday. I laid there and remembered that I had that box tucked away. All these years, it had been tucked away. All these years I had tucked the thoughts away as well. Until that night. And now that I’d finally given Kayla what her brother meant for her to have, I was sure she hated me. And could I even blame her? I was in a constant debate with myself about whether or not I should try to talk to her to explain my side? If I should tell her that as crazy as it might sound, that I . . . loved her? Or did I just resume life as it was and leave her alone? Maybe I had already served my purpose in her life.

  I felt a hard pat on my back that startled me. I turned around knowing that it was Steve. I knew that he would be coming to find me sooner or later.

  “Aye bro!” It’s your party, what are you doing up here?!”

  We stood on the top balcony of my grand entertainment room, next to a fully decorated seven-foot Christmas tree. Below us was a room filled with people that came to celebrate the holiday with me, and I was nowhere to be found.

  “I’m coming down. I was just admiring all the festivities. Shit is crazy, right?” I said to him. “Where we started and where we are now?”

  “Man, is it? The corporate lawyer and the Fortune 500 CEO! But we worked hard for what we got.”

  “We damn sure did.”

  “So, you ready for the date I brought you tonight?” Steve asked me.

  “Don’t play.”

  “Nah, I’m serious. Got you a cute one waiting. Figured we could kick it with her and her friend into Christmas morning.”

  “Steve you better be bullshittin’. We tal
ked about this. You keep your fair-skinned girls and let me date who I date, in peace.”

  “First of all, I’m kidding. Not settin’ yo’ ass up anymore. Second of all, what makes you think they would’ve been white?”

  “Because that’s how you get down. Always have. Don’t know what you got against the sistahs, but you need to switch that shit up sometimes.”

  “Here you go, light-skinned.”

  I started laughing. “You stupid. The fuck light-skinned gotta do with it?”

  “Light-skinned brothas always got a choice. So, easy for you to say switch it up. I’m out here three shades of chocolate. The options ain’t the same.”

  “You sound crazy. You don’t see how crazy these women—all women—go over Idris Elba? Lance Gross’s ass? Taye Diggs? Fuck outta here. You up here tryin’ to playin’ a card that you don’t even believe in. You just wanna use that as an excuse to choose. But if you choosin’ for you, then let it be that. I’m just sayin’ as your day one . . . switch it up.” I pat him on the back and smiled. “Ain’t no woman gonna love you like a black woman. Now, I’m out,” I told him, heading down the stairs to the party.

  My first stop was to the DJ booth, where I had him cut the music so that I could make my announcement and let the party really get into full swing.

  “Can I have your attention please?!” Cheers erupted all over the open space, where close to two hundred people were gathered. “I’m keepin’ it short and sweet! First of all, I just wanted to tell you guys, that you look like a million goddamn bucks! And then I wanted to thank you all for coming to spend another Christmas with me! Hopefully, it’s not just because you’re in my employ! Thank you for your dedication and extremely hard work. Fusion Enterprises wouldn’t be the top professional social media platform in the world if it weren’t for you! Now, since I’ve worked you all year long, this is your chance to eat me out of house and home!”