In the Ring: A Dario Caivano Novel Page 19

  “Where you got him from? What the hell does that even mean?” Dario stressed.

  When Dario posed his question it was like the loudest of bells sounding off in my head. I tensed up and my breath constricted in the worst way as I said a silent prayer for strength.

  I should have already told him. But I was still somewhere between an alternate universe, where things could be as I made them in my mind, and in the present where I had no control over any parts of life at all. I should’ve been jumping at the chance to tell him everything. Inside my mind it was like, “Tell him now!” However, on the outside, I couldn’t even forge a mumble. It was like I was on the outside of the conversation looking in. But if I was being honest with myself, it just wasn’t ever something I thought I would have to think about, let alone say out loud. To do so would lessen my position as a mother to my son. Confusion is where I was. Denial is what kept me there.

  I was still processing all that had taken place, while also thinking about all that could be on the horizon—the aftermath. How would the pieces fall into place now that the past had been given a rebirth? Rai is my son. He’s mine. And now with so many people knowing the truth . . . that meant he would now know it as well. God help me, please.

  I was shaken from my reverie in time to hear Rochelle ask, “Okay, so then he didn’t tell Rai everything. When he asks, will you?”

  “Is that why you’re sticking around, Rochelle?” I snapped.

  “Just listen to her, Chanel,” my mother urged.

  “Who said I’m not listening? I just asked her a question.”

  “I’m just . . . I’m sure that he’ll have questions and I just want to know . . .” She stopped to stall for a few minutes. “I just don’t want him to . . . hate me.” She looked over at Dario again, probably in fear of being judged. “I don’t want him to feel like I . . . like I abandoned him.”

  “Wait . . .” Dario stated, looking at all of us confused. “What does she mean abandoned him? What’s going on?”

  CHAPTER 50

  Chanel

  May 15, 2002

  When I heard the knock at my front door, my attitude kicked into high gear because everybody who knew me knew that I didn’t fuck around on school nights, that I took my studies serious as hell. They also knew that I was not for people just popping up unannounced. So, when I heard the repeated knocking, I just knew that when I opened the door somebody was going to get the wrath of my full mouthpiece.

  I stormed over to the door of my apartment and stood on my tiptoes to look through the peephole. I stared for a few long seconds and actually had to pause to make sure that I wasn’t seeing things. As the realization was setting in, I saw her raise her hand again, preparing to bless the door with another loud knock, but I snatched it open before she could do that.

  “W-what are you doing here?” I asked.

  But my sister, who I hadn’t seen during my whole time away at school, and who I rarely even talked to outside of that, hurriedly pushed her way past me and strolled into my living room like it was nothing. After I closed the door behind her and locked us inside, I headed over to where she had apparently taken it upon herself to get comfortable.

  “Answer my damn question, Rochelle.”

  “You hella rude, Chanel. I would think that your ass would at least greet me. You still haven’t said, hello.”

  “I’ll greet you after you tell me what the hell—”

  In the middle of my sentence, Rochelle stood from her seat and unzipped her oversized puff coat.

  “This is what I’m doing here,” she calmly stated.

  “What the fuck, Rochelle? You’re pregnant?!”

  “Looks like, right?”

  “Don’t get smart, Rochelle. For real. Don’t do that.”

  “Look, my bad. I’m sorry,” she said, reclaiming her seat. And this time I needed a seat right along with her because I was in shock.

  “So, what’s up? I’m hella confused.”

  “I need your help.”

  “With what, Rochelle?”

  “I need somewhere to stay.”

  “And you came here? What do you think I can do? Where’s your baby’s daddy?!”

  “He’s not around.”

  “What you mean he’s not around? You look like you’re about to fuckin’ pop! When are you due?”

  She looked down at her lap and raised her head with tears in her eyes. “I’m due on your birthday.”

  “So, in two months! You’re having a baby in two months?! Have you told your dad or any of them?”

  “No. I haven’t seen any of them. Been staying with a friend.”

  “What! What are you gonna do? Yo’ ass is only eighteen! Eighteen!”

  “I don’t need you reminding me how old I am, Chanel,” she cried. “For the record, eighteen is technically grown, and to answer your question, I don’t have a choice but to have this damn baby! I’m too far along. I already tried to get an abortion. You think I wanted to come here? This was my last fuckin’ resort!”

  When Rochelle broke down, I couldn’t bring myself to console her. That just wasn’t who we were to each other so it was very hard for me to do. All I could do was shake my head while she bawled for the next fifteen minutes. I was shocked. I was living in student housing that I got lucky enough to get into on a lottery, and I had no idea what she wanted me to do. But the funny thing was that, even though I didn’t know how to help her, I damn sure didn’t want a niece or nephew of mine to be on the streets.

  We grew up in a weird situation with me living with my father’s family and Rochelle going from house to house trying to be grown with the wrong crowd. So, it wasn’t like there was a lot of family for her to turn to.

  “Look, Chelle. I don’t even know what to say. You shoulda called to let me know that you were coming so I coulda prepared better. I just got housing.”

  “I did call you, but you haven’t been answering your phone.”

  She was right. I was dealing with a ton of homework and writing way too many papers and knew that she was only calling with drama so I wasn’t really paying attention to her calls. Now she was on my doorstep and I was scared as hell of what was about to happen. I knew I didn’t wanna fuck up school, but I also knew that I had to be there for her. Me and her weren’t like sisters should be, but I couldn’t turn my back on her or the baby.

  “I just need to stay here for a little while until I can have this baby.” She grew quiet for a few minutes before she announced, “I’m gonna give it up for adoption after I have it. I can’t take care of a baby, Chanel. I just gotta do what I gotta do.”

  “What you mean? You need to find Mama and at least ask her. Don’t be giving up your baby to strangers! You trippin’! Why the hell you lay down with somebody and let them run up in you raw if you were gonna be doing this?! Why would you let a baby that came from you be raised by strangers?! That’s family!”

  “Since when the hell did family matter to you?!”

  “I let you in my damn apartment, Rochelle! So it means something, right?! I didn’t have to let you up in here! I don’t give a fuck how many buses you had to catch to get here! I didn’t have to let you in my shit!”

  Rochelle rose from the couch slowly, trying to maintain her balance. She looked down at me when she steadied herself and we just glared at each other for a few paused seconds until she finally spoke.

  “Are you gonna help me or not, Chanel?”

  CHAPTER 51

  Dario

  It took me more than a few minutes to process. It was a lot. A whole lot.

  “Wow . . . I’m uhhh, I don’t know what to say.” I rubbed Chanel’s hand. The inside of her palm was sweating. The only thing I could think about was how brave and caring she was—even back then. It made me wish that I had met her all those years ago so that I could’ve been there for her.

  “It’s a lot to take in, I know. Especially, since you’re so new to the family and all,” her sister said, with a slight chuckle.

&nbs
p; I had seen a softer side of Rochelle in the short time that I’d known her. There was a much different posture about her than the one I witnessed the night her and Chanel were having that heated exchange inside of Chanel’s club. Her defenses were down. Dr. Upshaw might even deduce that since she was able to confront her own truth, the anger had begun to leave her. That might just be it, too.

  “Mama,” Rochelle called out. “I know that back when I told you about Rai, that it was under real foul circumstances. I wanted to spew venom in the worst way and that was the only way I could do it. Everybody has always seen my beautiful sister as the perfect one.” She paused and smiled over at Chanel who still had the straightest face I’d ever seen on her. “I just wanted to yell to the world that I helped give her that perfect life when I gave her my—”

  “Rai is my son, Rochelle,” Chanel interjected, defensively.

  “I know. And I’m sorry, Chanel. Mama, forgive me. You said you would never tell her that I told you and you really did honor that. I appreciate it.”

  “I did that as much for you as I did for Chanel and Rai as well.”

  “But when you told that bastard Tyler, what was your motive with that?” Chanel blurted. “You gave him something to use against me. He used to throw it up in my face all the time. All the time. But using it to make me come back to him. That was low. What was that?”

  “That was just him being obsessed.”

  “And that was you just being mad that even with you fucking him, still not being able to fully have him, right?”

  I watched as Rochelle’s eyes grew the size of golf balls. Denise’s weren’t too much smaller as the news seemingly hit her for the first time.

  “You what?” Denise probed.

  “How . . . did you know about that?” Rochelle asked, Chanel.

  “He told me. Said it the other day when he was on the warpath. I guess he thought I would care.”

  Rochelle sank back into her seat and fell into silence with everyone watching to see what she’d say next. “I’m sorry, C. I’m real sorry. It was all me acting out. All of it!” she sobbed. “I owe you and Mama so much in the way of apologies and gratitude. I’ve been the worst kind of bitch to you both, and it took this accident happening to my . . . nephew . . . to realize it. I’m coming full disclosure and I can only hope that you and Mama can forgive me after everything I’ve done.”

  “I don’t need to forgive you, Rochelle,” her mother told her. “I’m the root cause of a lot of the hurt. I wasn’t there for y’all. I just wasn’t. I birthed y’all and then turned you over to family. So, I have nothing to forgive, only love to give.”

  “Thank you for that, Mama. I used those mommy issues a lot. I mean, I used them a whole lot. It wasn’t like you just dumped us on families that didn’t care about us. We both had good lives. Hell, Chanel even took heat from her dad about Rai, when he thought she was off at college getting pregnant. She never said anything, just stepped in like a good sister. And my family . . . they were good . . . are good people too. I was just so messed up. I was lacking love. Or at least that’s how I felt. But the reality was that I was running from it. But I’ll tell you what.” She smiled and began nervously playing with her hands in her lap. “I did find love once in my life. A beautiful love.” Rochelle inhaled and then released a deep sigh. “He’s Rai’s father. I really loved him.”

  “What?! I asked you who his father was several times, Rochelle,” Chanel charged. “You told me over and over that you didn’t know. Why would you do that? He could’ve at least known him all this time! Why?”

  The only thing I could do in that moment was be silent. I would never say it to Chanel but this whole thing was playing out like some kind of soap opera. It did make me realize that when, and if, Rai questioned anything, he would have a multitude of questions. I also knew that it was going to be a difficult conversation for Chanel to have with him, so if she allowed me to, I’d be right there while she tackled it all. This pill was hard for me to even swallow, from the sidelines.

  When Rochelle began to sob, it was the last thing that I expected to see. Her mother immediately got up from her seat and went to console her. “Chanel, I’m sorry! I’m sorry! You just don’t understand! You weren’t there! Mama wasn’t there! You don’t know what it was like for me. I was young, I was dumb, but I was in love!” She sobbed uncontrollably. “I-I-I w-w-was in love! You don’t understand. For the first . . . time in my life . . . I felt cared about. And then to . . . oh my God!” she wailed, holding onto her mother pouring out gut-wrenching cries. “To see . . . him murdered like that! With me right there!”

  “Murdered? Rai’s father is dead?” Chanel asked.

  “Yes! And I saw it happen!”

  The room silenced and all that could be heard were Rochelle’s now-muffled cries.

  “I’m sorry, Rochelle,” I heard from beside me coming from Chanel. She released my hand and went to her sister’s side to assist with comforting her. “I’m sorry,” she said again, kneeling in front of her. “That’s horrible. That’s horrible that you had to see something like that.” Chanel turned around to look at me, knowing that I’d been through the same thing and I nodded in her direction.

  Minutes later when Rochelle had regained her composure and seats were reclaimed it seemed that a huge tension had been lifted from all. The air certainly wasn’t as thick as it once was.

  “I knew I recognized your name. I knew it.” We all looked over at Rochelle who had gotten up from her seat by this time. “You were there,” she whispered. “You were there, Dario. Ohhh, you were there,” she kept saying.

  My brows furrowed in confusion. “What?” I managed, wondering if this girl had lost her mind.

  “What are you talking about, Rochelle?” Chanel probed. “He was where?”

  “You and Jonathan . . . were there!”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, feeling a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

  “Dario, I’m Alexandra!” she cried.

  CHAPTER 52

  Dario

  “. . . He’s a beautiful boy. Is he mixed race?” I thought back to that inquiry as I drove to my Zie Veronika’s house in a daze. It made sense, that’s for sure. It seemed that now with the truth looming, there were certainly characteristics of Lucas’ in Rai. He had his eyes, his height, his physique. It was all so surreal. I had no reason to see it before, but now I could. It was no wonder that our bond formed so quickly. We’re family. Maybe . . . hopefully.

  “Can you imagine, Luke?” I asked out loud. “You with a son?”

  The summer air brushed against my face as I did eighty all the way with my top down. I couldn’t believe everything that had happened. When people talk about the idea that there exists six degrees of separation between everyone in the world, they mean it. How else could it be explained that Lucas and I ended up being connected to Rochelle, or Alexandra—the name she went by? How? There was no other explanation. By all accounts none of us should have ever crossed paths. We lived way out in a gated community; she lived in the heart of East Oakland. We attended separate schools from one another. How is that possible? Then to find out years later that the child she had given birth to, whose mother I was sure I was in love with, was my cousin!

  It was all overwhelming, but beautiful at the same time. I couldn’t help but think that if this was all true and Rochelle had indeed had a baby with Lucas, that we still had Lucas here with us in some way. It made me feel emotions I hadn’t felt since we’d lost him. To know that I could potentially be in the life of Lucas’s son and be able to watch over him in a way that I was unable to do for Lucas would mean everything to me.

  “I always preferred that Lucas called me by my middle name. Alexandra just sounded less ethnic, and kinda rich, you know? I loved Lucas and he loved me too. We were young, but it was real,” she had explained. “That night wasn’t supposed to happen. It broke me. That muthafucka took my whole life when he took Lucas. I just remember you, Dario. I remember you cradling
him in your arms. I remember the devastation that I felt. I remember my heart going out to you. I remembered me telling him to leave when I saw Clarence. I remember it all like it was yesterday. I still have nightmares about it even now. I drink to forget, I party to forget. I’m pure reckless . . . so that I forget. I hate myself because if he hadn’t come to see me, he would still be here. I can assure you though, that Rai is his son. It was the real reason that I couldn’t get rid of him. I never went for an abortion. Never! I needed him to live. I needed him to be okay. I needed him to be taken care of and even though my sister was just a year older than me, I knew that she was the best person to do that. I knew she wouldn’t let me give him away. I hated that she could do what I couldn’t, but there was never a time where I wasn’t thankful.”

  I snapped out of my trance when Lennox began barking at the road. I had no idea what he’d suddenly gotten so hyper for, but there he was barking at the wind that he normally welcomed with no problem. His sudden outburst was probably for no other reason than to bring me out of my faraway place.

  Upon arriving to my aunt’s house, I got Lennox out for us to go in for a short visit. There was plenty of chatter, and a game of chess with my Zii. I ate a small meal with them, spent some time with Freddie playing video games. Of course he asked how his buddy Rai was doing and when he would be able to see him. And then at the end of it all, I left from the house with DNA samples from both of Lucas’s parents. I had to get answers before I brought anything to them.

  CHAPTER 53

  Chanel

  “There he is!” I beamed upon walking into Rai’s hospital room with his favorite grilled chicken breast sandwich from Barney’s. “You smell all of that goodness?” I teased, waving the aroma into the air. “It’s the bee’s knees, ain’t it?” I winked at him as I pulled his hospital tray over his lap and placed his bag atop the extended arm.